Interlocking Paradigms 心象拼圖

Creativity is strange. Bits and pieces of images and concepts often occur in my mind while I am driving (and here in California, we do drive long distances quite a bit), or while I am walking or showering. I have to scramble to write them down or repeat them in my head, so that I do not forget. I often find myself playing with ideas in words and images in my head, moving the pieces around as though I am putting a jigsaw puzzle together, composing and decomposing, challenging myself to find the best way to say what I wanted to say.

In a way, each one of my artworks is like a puzzle piece that adds to the fuller picture in my mind. These images are constantly evolving, composing, and rearranging; they are a constant work in progress of understanding life’s relationships, making meaning, and discovering joy. I may never know what the complete picture look like, but I know it will be one of “interlocking paradigms,” made up of the different facets of my experience.

Growing up in Hong Kong, I learned to paint in the Western medium, mostly with acrylic on canvas. When I came to the United States, I learned to paint in the Chinese medium, with ink on paper. I am a product of the crisscrossing of cultures. Growing up with both Western and Eastern influences, I had plenty of doubts about my own cultural identity. As I was painting in the Western medium as a teenager, I questioned how I could express my unique East/West identity with acrylic on canvas? I majored in art history in college in order to understand more about where I stood culturally and historically, and also in the hope of finding out “what am I doing?” My studies spanned Asian and Western Art, from ancient to contemporary times. Although not an expert by any means, I am very fortunate to be able to immerse myself in the arts almost every day.

Now that I have lived a larger part of my life in the United States than in Hong Kong, I find that I have continued to fortify my Chinese roots through my studies, my art practice, and my teaching, instead of abandoning them. I have come to realize that I am very much rooted in the Chinese tradition, but I live and breathe Western culture, including freedom of thought and individualism. In another words, Chinese culture is in my DNA, Western culture is my environment, and I could not live without either. My identity and what I produce cannot be separated. I have come to accept myself as who I am, and I do not pretend to be totally Chinese or totally Western. My paradigms – culture, traditions, words, and images – are all interlocked. They come together to form an ever-changing picture, in the borderless space of the mind.

創作的過程是奇怪的。在開車的時候 （在加州開長途車的機會是挺多的）、走路的時候、或是淋浴的時候，一些意像和概念會在我腦中浮現，如果我不趕緊把它們寫下來或是在腦中一遍一遍的重複，剎那間可能就會忘記了。我喜歡在腦海裡面玩文字和意像的遊戲，在腦中構圖和構思概念，把文字和圖片搬來搬去，有如玩拼圖一樣，挑戰自己用最貼切的方式去說我想說的話。

如果，我的「心象」是一副拼圖的話，我的每一張畫便是拼圖中的一塊。每一塊都擁有整副拼圖的關鍵。只看見一塊的時候，不會知道整幅的模樣；但是，當一塊一塊拼起來後，便可以漸漸看見心象的表現。我的意像隨著我的年齡、經驗和看法不斷的在改變。這些意像，可能是我對生命的理解、我尋找意義的過程和我在藝術中尋找快樂的寫照。

我生長在半中半西的香港，本來已對自己的身份和文化認同有些疑問。我在香港學西畫，來到美國後學中國書畫，我是一個中西文化交錯的產品。其實，在我十多歲畫西畫的時候，已經有考慮到作為一個中國人，在西方畫布上應該怎樣表達我自己獨特的身份。在美國念大學時，我主修美術史，希望從藝術史的透視鏡中，找到自己的定位，並解答一些一直在困擾我的問題，例如：「我到底在做什麼」？在大學裡，我學到西方和東方的美術史，從古代到現代都學過，雖然不算精通，可是我很幸運，能夠幾乎每天都樂此不疲的活在其中。

 到現在，我生活在美國的日子，已經超過我生活在香港的日子。我越來越意識到，原來我的中國根是根深蒂固的，我在美國的這些年，不斷從讀書、藝事和教育上滋養我的根。我可以肯定的說，我的根是紮在中國文化上的，但是，滋養我的還有自由思想和個人觀點等這些西方思想上的核心價值。換句話說，中國文化是我的基因，西方文化是我的大環境，在我的生命裡，兩者均不可缺。我的身份構造與我的創作是分不開的。我接受這個我，我不假裝我是百分百的中國人或是百分百的西方人。我的「心象拼圖」是由不同的文化、傳統、文字、意像、經歷、思想等等衍化出來的。這副拼圖在時空中不斷變幻，遊戲於無邊無際的領域中。